= = = = =THE FREE MAN= = = = =

Next week my friends is asking me to go clubbing with them . . . Generally, when peoples ask me for ' entertainment hour ' , I will say YES without any hesitation . . . but sometimes I often will 'fly aeroplane ', which mean I will rejected them at last minute. I know its a bad behavior . . . . but actually the reason I'm repeating the same behavior is because I'm a weak in managing my time ! ! Everyday no matter where I am . . . . ' late ' word is SHOWN on my forehead as I can do something that takes lots of lots of time . . .

And the next week is my ' big day ', so I also want to experience to be an adult (never been before). . . so I told my friends that I'll be there . . . . . Wahahaha ! ! ! Now I'm wondering which location is better and more 'peace' , definitely will be in Subang Sunway, but which location ? ? ? is it Bar celona better ? ? or AMOS better ? ? ? I just want a places that can let me to have fun and enjoy the rhythm of the musics with my friends . . . I never ' wild 'with my friend before . . . and hopefully I can enter inside the club since I'm still under-aged. Hahaha . . . . Another problem I'm most concern about, I can't take any 'heavy drinks' . . . . . I know myself as I easy to get drunk even a 1 bottles of Heineken . . . My friends told me that they planned to order a Whisky or Vodka to ' celebrate ' with me . . . actually they want to see my ' reaction ' after and before ! ! I know it . . . after drunk I can do something that is totally foolish and stupid coz I can't control myself already . . . and end up with faint ! !


AH LIM . . NEXT WEEK . . . I WON'T REPEAT MY 'AEROPLANE' AGAIN . . . MAYBE AT THIS TIME ! !

Sometimes I've felt it . . . but after few days . .I will completely lost all the memories ! ! ! and again . . .I'm still repeating the same life mistakes . . . Indeed, its truth that I'm acting like an 'under age' person ! !


The most mistakes is my " kiddy mind " , I admitted that everyday I be living like an kid. Maybe is because my parents like to make every decisions for me no matter from what aspect. Even when we're eating at outside . . I'll let my parents to decides my dinner. As years passed slowly . . . I'm became ' dependent' person . . I'll let my family to decides my everything. Actually they're giving me a lot of freedom to decides my wants ! ! but I think maybe I'm used to be controlled by my family. Now I not willing to become independent anymore. After I pursued my studies to college . . . I'm trying to learn to be more independent, YES I'm already started to adapt myself to college's life. I managed to cooked delicious food for my friends, washed my clothes, or even cleaning the whole room and etc. But I still can't control my 'stupid little mind' . . . why sometimes I'll act like an kid when I'm having conversation with them . . maybe among my friends, I'm the youngest . .(college's friend or even old friends) I still remembered that one day I told my friend that I like 'spongebob squarepants 'cartoon . . . they say that I'm a 10years old kid . . . but I truly like this cartoon . . .it's so funny ! ! and they always treat me like an young brother . . . Oh gosh ! !

The second mistakes is my " speaking " , I'm wondered why I like to say something that not suppose to . . I still felt that until now I'm still repeating the same mistakes. The words fro my mouth is actually 65% didn't under brain process, which mean that I speak without thinking what am I saying . . . sometimes I also can't recall what I was saying after I split up the words . . . and end up with laughter from my friends. Actually many people give me a lot of advices that ' should think before you speak because it may cause troubles ' . . . Haizzz ! ! ! !
I want make a changes for my personality ! ! ! Because I'm not a small person which always lives in a cartoon world anymore . . . I need to be more mature . . .

I think maybe this song can described my mood ! ! ! GIVES me better relief antidote . .


BETTER MAN
Send someone to cure me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you've found that cure
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around

Send someone to cure me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man

MONDAY :


Nearly 11pm , and I'm still wondering what I gonna do for tomorrow . . . should I going K.L at 10.45am or 9.00am ? ? ? But my mind certainly got an answer "of course as late as possible" . After that , I'm preparing for packing up my stuff for tomorrow . . . Suddenly , a song that caught my entire attention . . . a song that makes me recalled back my previous memories , though I can't remember the songs name but it truly familiar . Kinda country music ' viva la vida ' feelings which brings me a lot of imagination about future . . . haha ! ! ! sounds crazy but it really gives me that kind of feelings . After that , I lying on my bed and focus on every songs that ' came after ' my ears . . . Few minutes later , I can felt the satisfaction that can't describe in words . When I was on my vacation in Bali ' 2008 school holidays ' we were staying at a super 'view' hotel at the middle of nowhere , that day also is on night . . . my dad was watching his ' indo speaking ' shows , I'm not interested on Bali's tv channels . . . that's why I went out for a walk , the moment I listening to my mp3 , I saw a lots a lots of "twinkle star " shinning around the universe . . . I totally stunted for that scene . . . can't even describe my feelings in words , extremely NICE ! ! ! a country songs with a good environment sure gives you a different perspective think of lives ! ! ! I guess this is most people think about the advantages of vacation . . . surely can inspires you in life lessons . . . Hope this coming December vacation I can feel it again . . . .

Oh my god , why today my entire luck is "zero" degree level ! ! ! I can't believe this computer has taken me DOWN . . .ToT ! ! ! Never been humiliated like this before . . if all my secondary school's friend know this 'news' , they will laugh at me 24hours non-stop . . . today my ITS (information system whatever ) lessons is take place at computer lab . Me and my friends should be happy and excited about it , because we finally can "play" those computers . . . even one of my friend said its time for us to play Dota (warcralf) at computer lab without get noticed by tutor , but actually we just joking . . .

After that tutor arrived , she give us some instructions and guild-lines of how to prepares a formatted paper that full of 'stupid' things . At first , I thought it just quite 'fine' for me . . . so i didn't listen to what tutor has explain to us . Haizzz . . . and then the nighmare begins . . . Tutor give us some times to finish the " paper " , when tutor haven't explain finish . . . me already starts typing the word , and most importantly is typing without following any instructions .GOSH . . .

After few minutes , I thought I had already finished the words and get ready for my " free-style " arrange the words . . . but . .. .when I raised my hand and waiting for tutor to check my workings , she just keep on rejecting my works and say " follow the lines and spacing " . That moments my mind was blank like a piece of paper . . . that's my normal reaction ( I will started to lost my mind when I panic ) I gave up of my " free-style " pattern to " asking for help " . But unfortunately , my friends all already finished and waiting for me . . . and I still wondering " how to make the words look straight" . I was like giving up by asking all peoples around me . . my friends all help me to check the errors , and the mistakes are too much on words numbering lines and align texts . They purposely want to prank me by saying they want to leave me alone with the tutor ! ! ! And my mind SHOUTED NO NO . . . . .

Suddenly my another friend see my workings , I ask him to check whether got any mistakes , but he request all the girls that still in the computer lab for help . . . all girls surrounded me . . . and help me correct the mistakes . . . I can't speak a proper words . . and just keep on saying " paiseh " and " paiseh " continuously . . . so embarrassing of asking those girls help me . . . Luckily at last , I also get a "correct" working . . .and told my tutor " ho liao " (finished) . Only can free from staying at the camputer lab . When I open the computer lab door , all my friends waiting me at outside . And because of that " help " . . . I been teased "zat" for nearly an hour . . . I can't believe my computer skill will be like this . . . that kelly can finish , impossible I can't finish ? ? ? All my secondary school friends know I'm computer game expert and know more computer information especially graphic card than them , if they know what I been through today . . . they sure LAUGH AT me forever . . .


HOPE NEXT TIME I CAN FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS ACCORDING TO WHAT TUTOR HAS SAID , AND NEVER DO "FREE-STYLE" WORKS . . . Because the percentages of failure is 100% ! ! !

Tonight I should hanging out with my friend at Bukit Tinggi , because I need to give him back his assignment , don’t know how to explain this friend . . . last 2 weeks he ask me for drink ,and I thought its just a normal outgoing , when we reached the “ Red Island Coffee” and order some drinks . . . only he say the main subject of asking me out (he want me to help his assignment) and the assignment is accounting subject , that’s why he choose me to do it coz I’m the only guy that is pick accounting as my courses . . . I didn’t rejected and just help him , I tell him to give me 2 weeks because I need some times to finish it . . . . but actually the assignment is quite frustrating after I looked the whole content . . . the whole accounting questions looks a bit different with my college “pattern” . Can’t understand why INTI college ‘s accounting words is so different , I should the fashion is more older than my college . . . example like receivable (my way)=debtor(my friend way) and others which give me a lots of ? ? ? ? ? in my mind . I thought INTI college should be more “trend “ and follows the current method word of account , but apparently its not the way I been expecting for . . . .
After 10.30pm , my friend’s car already at my front-door . . . then I just follows his car to the Station 1 restaurant and have some drinks . Maybe that day my mood is a bit “high” so I order 2 small bottles of CARLBERG , my friend just order a blended strawberry juice . After that , I looking at him and say . . . u should drink beer like me so that we can drunk together , but actually I just joking coz he still need to drive me HOME . . . we been chat –chatting for nearly 1 and half hours , just by saying some useless topics “ girls ,studies , and others” . As usual , after I finished a bottle . My face started to become red . . . but I still in conscious condition and continue our conversation . . .but after 2nd bottle . . . my mind is a bit “heating” and I started to say some stupid words , eventually I haven’t drunk , just my words out from my mouth is a bit “drunk” . My friend said to me “your pattern can’t curi-curi drink beer because your face easily to be bocor “ and I just keep on laughing . . . .At 12.05am , we’re ready to go . . . and then suddenly got a person come approached my and ask us for some donation for their orphan society . . . Haizz , why everytimes those guys like to find me but not my friend . . that guy just keep on explaining to me and not my friend . . . my mind was like “haizz . . this time I can’t lari for this donation already “ . I just donate some money to them . . .after that my friend told me this society maybe is “fake” , I ask him why . . . and he ask me “is it the society location is in ipoh” and I said “yes” . . . . then I friend 100% confirm it’s “tipu” because they purposely put far place like ipoh so that we can’t find them “ Distance btw klang and ipoh is around 100km” . I just replied to my friend . . “its ok as long as I really think that I’m helping them will do “ . That night is so miracle , I still can walk to the car with conscious mode even I drank 2 beer . . . HAHAHAHA ! ! ! ! and luckily my parents sleeping before I came back home , if they see my “red” face sure scold me . . . .ToT

FRIDAY :

Today I'm ready to get back Klang , and luckily this friday I no need to get up in morning . Normal friday my 1st tutorial class on friday should be 8am , and I gonna wake up at 6.45am , which is tooo early for me. . . " I even can't catch the STUPID buss and that's the reason I always late to college"

But luckily that english tutor "lazy to say her name" told us that this week the friday class canceled , so I can sleep until 9.50am only get up . And my sister fetch me back to Klang . . . . but I felt a bit guitly , If me and kelly going back by car . . . then how about the others " I mean another 4 klang friends " . My sister's car can't afford another 2 persons . In morning , my initial thought is that , if my sister need to wait me till I finish my 5.30pm classes . . . then I should ask my sister go back first and I going KTM and LRT with them . 2.00pm , my sister phoned me and said she must finish her Medical experiment until 5.10pm before she can back , so I'd no more choices but follow my sister's car . . . lucky for me and kelly enjoying air-cond without any "crowded condition" . On the way , I keep on thinking where they reaching now "issit KL central or Subang jaya station" . . in my mind GUILTY words is more than ENOUGH ! ! ! ! Its 7.03pm , and I already reached my front-door . When I taking my dinner . . . I was wondering "where is grandmother" ? ? ? My mom told me that grandmother is in hospital this morning , Her word SHOCKEDD my mind . . . a lots of ? ? ? ? appeared in my brain . Granny is just suffered a minor stroke at her left eyes . . . its doesn't seems that serious . But she need to stay in the hospital and some X-ray check up for further information . 9.00pm we arrived SJMC "now the name is SIMEDARBY HEALTHCARE " , when we go into the room . . I saw my granny watching the Tv , but in quite tired faces . . . I say "hi" to granny , when granny noticed me , her first word is . . . . "yongboy is your face get better? (saying my pimples problem issit cured) " When I heard what she's said , I just nodding and say YEs yes . . . suddenly my eyes became "red" , I walk out the room to calm down and wondering . . . its my tears ! ! ! ! Can't believe it . . . my granny's still so concern about my pimples rather than other problems . . . maybe I was touched by what granny said to me . From that moments , I really wanna say SORRY Granny , because sometimes U like to "leter" me , but actually u just showing ur love to me . . . just the way of love "leter" is not comfortable for me . "1 week she can leter me more than 8 times " But from now on , I will take all your words seriously . . . . . . . . I'm SORRY GRANNY ! ! ! WISH U can recover back as soon as possible and "leter" me again . .HAHA ! ! !

Yesterday I'm so Down . . . . . that kind of down is totally flooded my entire mind ! ! ! But after I'm back from college , my housemate "koko" ( I always call him as koko since he older than me 4years ) . He and his girl friend want to bring me goes to Sushi KIng for dinner since that day got promotion , all plate no matter what colour also charges Rm2 ! ! ! We end up by waiting for nearly 1 and half hours . . when we are called by the waitress to be sit at certain place . Four of us keep on "grabbing" any sushi that's infront of us . . . keep on eating and eating until my "down" mood disappeared . . . during the hours we not just eating , I also chit chatting with them and tell them why today my mood so "down" . . . Suddenly my "koko" housemate suggested that after we finish our dinner , we go drink some beer to help cure my mood back . And I didn't rejected , straight away say "yes" to him . After we finisd our dinner it's already 10pm . After we went back our house , I take shower and around 1140pm . . . we're ready to get drunk . . .

We went to a club . . . generally it's not a club but a restaurant that still open at midnight . . .a nice environment because its good to watch football in such ... Indeed , when the waitress ask us for orders , my housemate straight away said " Heineken big bottle" and I was like (oh my god , don't kill me coz I'm not good in drinking beer) . He say beer is the best method to cure my mood . . . that's why he purposely drive me here for beer . . . But I can confirm one thing is that , I not goood in beer because in my whole life , I only drank 2 or 3 bottle of beers in small sized . . Tonight is a big sized bottle Heineken . . .oh shit tonight I sure faint . And my expected result was right , at 1.30am , we're ready to get back house , when I stand up from the chair . . . suddenly I was like floating in the air , my mind can't bear anymore stuff which is too blur blur images . . .and I can't even walk in straight line , that moment I know I'm already drunk . . I faster called my fren to "balance" me to the car . When we reached home . . . I can't even think anything positive , my brain is like filled with 10kg stuff . . . so heavy so heavy . . . . my housemate said it's normal for me since I first time drink beer without any water . . . In just few minutes I lying on my bed and sleep till tomorrow . Maybe the alcohol does give me some effect , this morning I'm late for my 10am lecture class , and thanks for alcohol giving me such a distract night ! ! !

Next time I won't drink any beer to cure my mood . . . coz its so costly ! ! ! and if my parents know what I've did yesterday , they sure KILL ME . . . I don't wanna ruined my "good boy" images . . .